This is the first Summerslam worth buying
No, seriously. This is the first Summerslam in history where it hasn’t been a giant ripoff.
Oh, you didn’t realize Summerslam was always a giant ripoff? Hmm. Really? It should have been obvious by now. Every single Summerslam is based around one of three things:
A) A rematch from Wrestlemania.
B) The first match in a long feud, oftentimes being the worst contest in the set.
C) A gimmick match which means nothing 24 hours later.
Let’s go down the list.
1988: The Mega Powers do some bullshit: Basically, the four people in the ring at the end of Wrestlemania 4 fight one another.
1989: The Mega Powers explode some more: A repeat from Wrestlemania 5, with extra guys who couldn’t wrestle.
1990: All of Hulk Hogan’s fat friends roll around with one another. The first example of C.
1991: We try to piss of Iraq. Nobody notices because Hart and Perfect tore the house down in the opening hour.
1992: Good guys VS Good guys! Bad Guys VS Bad Guys! Again, nobody cared about this show right after the weirdness that was, well, this show.
1993: Yoko VS The Lex Express. This is the first example of B. Their match at Wrestlemania X was much, much better. Also, shorter, and the right guy won. We also did Taker and Gonzalez, because that masterpiece from WM9 just had to be seen again.
1994: The less said about Undertaker VS Undertaker, the better. But yes, an example of C.
1995: Let’s do Razor and Shawn with ladders again! You notice this one doesn’t really show up on the highlight reels?
1996: Okay, so Vader and HBK was kinda good, but my god, I’m so sorry for anyone who had to sit through the boiler room brawl. This one was sort of a mix of B and C, since the brawl was a one-off failure, but Foley and Taker would go on to do some pretty great things.
1997: This is probably the only exception, since Bret VS Taker was somewhat fresh, and Owen VS Austin is the match that began Austin’s rise to what he would become (largely because he broke his neck and could only do promos for the next 4 months).
1998: Austin and Undertaker, a match we would see 400 times over the course of that fall and next spring.
1999: HHH and Foley for the title for the first time of 4 times. Also easily the worst match between the two. Oh, Austin was in there, too? Really?
2000: First match with HHH and Kurt. Oh, the Rock was in that match, too? Really? Oh, also the TLC rematch from Wrestlemania.
2001: First match between Austin and Angle. Though to be fair, this was the best of the series. The rest of the card stank with inVasion.
2002: Brock kills Rock. Shawn comes back. Both big gimmicks nobody cared about the next day.
2003: Let’s throw a bunch of guys in the elimination chamber and have Goldberg fall on his face on the way in. That’ll put asses in the seats. Also, the beginning of HHH and Goldberg, which Damn, I’m sorry you had to see that.
2004: Let’s have this rookie go over the established veteran. What a stupid move, Vince. Orton will never become a big star. Nooooo. Weird card all around, though, with a bunch of rematches from Wrestlemania and JBL fighting Undertaker to a bullshit no contest.
2005: Michaels jobs to Hogan. Michaels makes sure everyone knows that wrestling is fake the night after.
2006: DX versus me and my I HAVE NO SON.
2007: The beginning of Cena and Orton. Possibly their worst match ever.
2008: Did we really put Khali in the WWE championship match? Fuck. Also, Undertaker kills Edge, nobody remembers by Smackdown.
2009: Did we really give you Orton and Cena again? Ha. Ther ewas also this little Hardy situation we needed to take care of. A pretty forgettable show.
2010: This sunday. We’re all really looking forward to taking your money, but for a good reason this time! I promise!
